flightofkatrina

On pre-Thanksgiving & the changing of the seasons

2008-11-22T07:09:00.000-08:00

Looking back, it seems as if I only blog in November. Perhaps the changing of the season, the darker days and colder nights, brings out the writer in me. Perhaps this is the perfect time to start writing again.

It is Thanksgiving here in the United States in a few days. Truthfully, I think that this holiday is celebrated late in the season and too close to Christmas. I think the Canadians have it right celebrating at the height of harvest season and the peak of the leaves in October. Ah, but maybe I am biased and still think Canadians do a lot of things right. Perhaps I'll move back to Canada yet one day. So this Thanksgiving I am charged with hosting my brother and his wife and to cook Thanksgiving dinner by myself. As a cook I am up for the challenge, but hosting and putting on a dinner is a lot to do. I also just moved and am a perfectionist. This means somewhere I got a notion, an expectation in my head, that I need to be settled and have attained that level of perfection by the time company arrives. Yes, I know this is unrealistic and, well, a little silly its just family after all, however, a little pressure and self-motivation never hurt anyone. Yes, I am neurotic, but I am choosing to embrace my neuroses and their tendencies. I choose to look at them as qualities that make me unique.

November, it seems, is also a time of transition. Once again this fall I found myself looking for employment, applying for jobs, contemplating whether now would be a good time to go back to school, and finding temporary work. Thankfully, this time around I found a good place to work and got offered a real, adult (with responsibilities, not in the adult-film industry) job. I am excited about this because it is actually in my field of higher education administration and will be a place where I can grow professionally.

Time: 6:30am (the sun is not up yet, but I am)

Weather: a balmy 25

Currently Reading:

A Short History of Everything
Fleeing the Ivory Tower
Shake Hands with the Devil

It is November

2007-11-16T19:47:00.000-08:00

It is November and the winds of winter have begun to blow in. I have especially felt this as the heat in my apartment is not working. That little space heater I bought my first year of college has really helped. Although I find I must plug it in wherever I go in my apartment. I think it might be better if it would grow legs and follow me wherever I go. Then we could add a cute shell like my newest purchase: a penguin humidifier (I think it is the best purchase ever and it almost makes me glad I was sick, oh, but it was a hard decision between the Hello Kitty and the penguin, the penguin called out my name in a weepy voice for a new home). Of course, there are times that I say to myself, "you know you are ridiculous, right?"

So, then, perhaps this should be one of my new nicknames "just plain ridiculous." As I feel that my life is simply that way at times. My struggle to find meaningful employment and not go crazy in the process is a journey into the absurd. Perhaps this is why studying the Theatre of the Absurd appealed to me so much in high school. Thank you Mrs. Kvikstad...no that wasn't her name...the other English teacher...oh, well. Thanks Ms. 11th grade English teacher, you have opened my eyes to theatre and the arts; I fell like someone understands me. All the really good authors who killed themselves. Why do all the really interesting people live on the outskirts of social life? A rhetorical question by the way...

Recent trips, Grad school, and getting back to normal

2007-10-20T08:59:00.001-07:00

This last year has been a bit of a blur: attending and finishing grad school, finding direction about career, two RA position, and travels to Scandinavia, Russia, Alaska and most recently a trip to Ottawa to visit friends and my old home the LLC. Now, as I am working at a temp job waiting to her back from one position and then, if course, keep applying, I feel a sense of calmness that I have not felt for a very long time. I think having answered some important questions about future: career, lifestyle, relationships, etc has helped me feel more secure in who I am.

I find the fall a perfect time for reflection. It is also a good time to organize and reorganize. I firmly believe that traveling is good for reflection as well as it gives perspective, but there also needs to be a time to come back to normalcy and reflect on the reflection and draw connections about what one has learned. I find the reflection a painful process, but once the time has elapsed and one is reflecting on the reflection I find that perspective is gained and what was once unclear quickly becomes apparent. I think it is a peace that can only come after the storm. I find that I need to distance myself from some things more than I used to, I feel myself changing, becoming older, wiser, yet so child-like in other areas. I suppose this is also the ebb and flow of the learning process: one day you think you are beginning to grasp something...and idea, a system, the nature of God, what it means to be Orthodox...but then you are suddenly reminded that you (I) have so much yet to learn. "The more I learn the more I learn that I know nothing."

My resolution until now and the end of the year is to actually finish this ever-growing stack of started books. My year at grad school and being ill has postponed this greatly.

Current stack:
1. Kaplan, R.D. " Surrender or Starve: Travels in Ethiopia, Sudan, Somalia, and Eritrea."
2. Weil, A. "Eating Well for Optimum Health."
3. Tolstoy. "Resurrection."
4. Schmemann. A. The Journals of Fr. Alexander Schememann: 1973-1983."
...I am sure there are others.

Picture taken on a hike about an hour east of Anchorage, behind me is a glacier.

Getting Sick, taking time out, and feeling guilty for it

2006-09-29T09:10:00.000-07:00

I have this overarching sense of dread that I am not living up the responsibilities of life. In one word: overwhelmed.

On Monday of this week I started an internship at the International Education Center at the undergraduate campus of my university. I will be conducting and continuning some reserach on the status of international students and I am excited about this opportunity but I do wonder if I am doing too much. Then again, the people that I have met so far have been wonderful, like-minded and they even took me out to lunch my first day. In the end, it will be the contact that I get at this job that will help me down the road get a job. And right now I am already thinking down the road, post-graduation. I feel like if I don't get abraod soon and gain some substaintal work experience my life is over. OVER, I say, OVER. So, perhaps I am being a bit overreactionary, but who says I can't be dramatic once in a while.

By Tuesday evening I know that I am getting sick, and the whole time I am stressing out because I can't figure out how to do this macro at work and I have no idea how I am suppose to get all the readings finished for my back-to-back classes the next day. It is then that I realize that perhaps there is a reason I am sick (which I know already, I need more sleep, less stress, and more time to myself that is not reading pages upon pages about colonialim, racism, or education) and that this may be a blessing and a time to catch-up, stay home and rest from people. Why is it that I love being in school so much, am I really that crazy?? I am secure in the thought that after this year is over I will be cured of schooling and reading for a good year...then again perhaps not.

So lesson of the week. Do not feel guilty about taking some time that you so desperatly need off to recooperate. If my work-centered culture does not leave room for such flexibility, shouldn't the culture change? Well, I certainly think so!

Listening to: Mozart's Piano concerto on NPR
Reading: Beauty Tips from Moose Jaw
Weather: Overcast
For Breakfast: Pumkin muffins
Feeling: glad it is the weekend and I getting away, although with a bunch of Int'l college students? How relaxing is this going to be?

August, already?

2006-08-15T19:22:00.000-07:00

Hi, it's me again. Boy the last weeks and months went by. And August is on it way out already!

So to recap my life these days:
1. I quit my job at the end of June.
2. Flew to NY to see my long-distance relationship boyfriend
3. Met Matt for the first time...long story.
4. Disasterous and awakard last few days
5. Spent next few weeks in utter relationship confusion
6. Realized why I avoided relationships thus far in my life
7. Somewhere summer began
8. Started first graduate school course: it was a joke and I had to talk about myself a lot...ick!
9. Began training for my graduate research assistantship position in Dept. of Finance. I am now skimming over articles that I only vagualy know anything about. Hey, at least I am being challenged.
10. Oh, and then there is the wedding planning of my sister's nuptual in January.
11. And now since there is no bus service between campuses this week I am working from home. This means I don't go anywhere and I try to tell myself my life has meaning.
12. But I did spend my 26th B-day a few weeks ago with the Monastics at St. Issac of Syria Skete. I have now decided to spend each birthday at an interesting place...or perhaps a monastery.
13. In two weeks I will begin a full load on graduate work. I am trying to be done in one year. I am slightly crazy, but it can be done. And I am already thinking PhD work. Really, I think I am once again getting ahead of myself.

Has it really been that long??

2006-04-30T13:27:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that so many weeks have gone by without blogging. I blame it on Lent, and all the weird happening that have occured with the onset of that season. Finding out disturbing info about my father, having a stressful job, training in for a new position, working full-time and going to services, getting sick, taking on an array of Spring projects (like painting my dinning room and my bathroom), taking care of my deprerssed mother, cooking, cleaning, oh, and finally finding out that I'm accepted into graduate school...these are just a few of the events of the past six weeks.

So...what's next you ask? Well, next week the advisor saga should end and then I should have a bettter idea about future course load and focus that I'll have in my program. My supervisor came back from her maternaty leave so perhaps my job situation will improve...if not I will be looking very intently at graduate assistantships for the fall and taking as many credits as possible. This is crazy I really want to be back in school...while the idea of selling my soul to the corporate world is appealing...I think I it is time to do something other than make labels for five hours a day and answer the phones of irrate customers and where I have to act all smilily and nice. ICK!! In the meantime I am trying to catch up on reorganizing my stuff and doing some projects that I have been meaning to do for a number of years. Let's hope I can get them done by Summer!!

Cannon of St. Andrew

2006-03-07T20:00:00.000-08:00

Tonight I was able to attend the second night of the Cannon of St. Andrew during the first week of Great Lent. What I love about this at our parish is that Fr. Jonathan is joined by Fr. Andrew of a local mission (of which I used to occasionally attend), and Fr. Ted, head of MEOCCA. I feel like the three priests alternating on each ode is beautiful and a very lovely Holy Trinity tradition, which I hope continues throughout the years. I also very much enjoy attending services at night after the rushing of the day. It is times like this that I think that I could be part of monastic life. Note to self: try to visit the Skete sometime this spring.

While it is said the St. Andrew of Crete did not intend his cannon to necessarily be part of the anual Lenten tradition of the church as I am approaching my third Orthodox Lenten season (can't believe it) it is quickly becoming a time that I cherish. I think so many stanzas that are devoted to important and forgotten stories of the pentetuch and books of poetry is important to recall as be are brought into the season of Lent. In some ways it is like the remembering of who you are and where you have come from. It is the remembering that as a person part of the Church in the 21st centurury your experince does not occur in a vacuum. You have the expereinces of the Israelites, Kings, prophets, poets, the early church, the Church fathers, the councils, and many others throughout the centuries who have gone before you. It is precisly that history that makes this anual tradition leading up to the celebration of Pascha so meaningful.

Pre-lenten thoughts

2006-03-05T10:01:00.000-08:00

Currently drinking: Irish Creme Coffee
Just finished eating: fried potatoes
Just finished watching: RENT (and oh my goodness it was wonderful!!)
Weather pattern: freezing rain tuned into a light covering of snow
Currently listening to: silence

I debated in my mind, and with my bed, whether or not I should get out of bed and go to church this morning. In the end the bed won, not because I was tired but because the idea of not being with people this morning and wallowing in my sadness sounded more appealing. I went to vespers last night preceded by the commemoration of the dead memorial prayers and I found myself grieving for the sins of my father. I am amazed how sin really is like a disease and that a person's sin is never only their sin--it affects everyone else around them. This is a very humbling thought and a somewhat apprpriate one as the beginning of Great Lent is only hours before me.

Ironically, for a number of reasons, I am looking forward to this year's lenten season. Holy Saturday will mark my one year anniv. of being Orthodox and I find as I look back to where I was one year ago today my understanding and appreciation of Orthodoxy has only deepened. And, of course, in ways that cannot necessarily be quantified or even qualified. Today is forgiveness Sunday. I don't know if I am ready to forgive his actions even though I know I should. However, as lent is almost here I am looking forward to the fast, the opportunity to focus on the mystery of the divine revealation, and to simplify my life. Perhaps as I still remain in various states of confusion and transition the meaning of my life will become a bit more clear.

Storytime

2006-02-22T19:29:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday evenings a friend from church and I co-teach a church school class that has between 9-19 age 3 to nine year olds. Yes, a bit of an age difference (a result of blending classes) but our "story" approach in the main sanctuary (without pews) has proven itself very condusive to acting out stories from the Old Testament. We began with Joseph and have travelled to and from Egypt and tonight we (as Israelites) found ourselves at the foot of Mt. Sinai melting our jewlery to make an a idol in the shape of a bull. I will have to say, I very much like the no established circulumn thing, and I also believe that the children do better too. I firmly believe: its never too early to teach biblical literacy!

Currently reading: "The World is Flat," by Thomas Friedman
Currently drinking: Rooibos tea
Current state: bed-time

A full week once again....

2006-02-18T10:59:00.000-08:00

After some very intense last few weeks I have told myself that it is time to take a bit of a rest. I forget how easy it is for life to become hectic, and the hecticness always comes in groves. I am sure there is some scientific explaination for it, too bad I am not a scientist (or at least not that kind).

Today it is warmer that yesterday, but not by much. Instead of a -40 degree windchill its -17 and a balmy -1 degree. Yes, ladies and gentlemen I did say -1 and that is NOT in c. mind you. Last week I would like to point out it reached 50 in some places around the area and now a negative 40....that is a 90 degree difference. No wonder my body is tired and royally screwed up. Our bodies don't like that extreme difference in temperature. Although last weekend I did see March of the Penguins and came to the conclusion that I am glad that, (a. I don't live that far north, (b. that I don't have to travel that far for food, and (c. that I don't have to sit on an egg ( or my baby) on a island of ice. There is too much risk of freezing to death...brrrr.

On another note, went to a visit day to the university that I am applying to for graduate studies. In the end, I was encouraged but not in the way that I thought I would. I spoke with the head of the department and told my interest in the program and where I would like it to take me. She suggested that I might be quite frustrated in the program as it is a bit more practioner based and that I might be more comfortable in a more research-type program. Well, I wasn't surprised by her words I just did not know if what I wanted to study was supported by trhe school. As the school and program is in the developing stages at the graduate level she seemed to think that the program could be rather flexible to fit my interests. I am very, very glad to hear this! Hopefully I can have an international compontent afterall! In addition, I can probably carry over my research into my Ph.D. Ah, and that day doesn't seem to come soon enough.

Ah, and my struggle to get into graduate studies continues

Blogging habits

2006-01-29T14:18:00.000-08:00

So to those who read my blog and know I never write in it, I apologize. I was thinking that my blogging habits are very much like my journaling habits where I write few and far between. Anyone who reads it years from now much have a very one sided view of my life...one where I rant and rave and am generally uphappy about this or that in the world. I know I am not like that ALL the time.

So today was a bit of an epiphany, I need to take more time for myself and not be so busy. One would think that after all these years of going struggling with this I could wrap my mind around this concept, but nnnnooooo I still think that I am superwoman and that I can do everything. I am thankful for friends who kick me in the butt and remind me of my falibility. Today it is snowing/raining....I swear I am in Vancouver or Seattle or something. This 40-50 something weather in January has my body royally confused. Here in fridgid Minnesota this is not supposed to happen until April (maybe March) no wonder feel so confused these days. I don't know what season it is.

On another note I finally have my DVD/TV situation resolved. I has taken me since I moved in in September to get two TV's, cable and then no cable, and two DVD players to be compatible with each other. So why can't technology and me have a good relationship. Maybe this is the universe's way of saying that I was never meant to watch movies and that my new calling in life (and answer to the million of life decisions I must make in the coming weeks) is that I should be a luddite! Perhaps a luddite, Amish, or a nun. I might be happy in any type of those communities although at the moment I am leaning more and more towards my childhood dream of becoming a nun....and now that I am in a tradition that has monastic orders perhaps I have found my calling afterall. But I digress and becoming a nun should never be an answer to escape problems in society, but the idea does sound nice!

So as I reflect on the coming week I may finally have some closure on where/if I will be going to graduate school and of I will have a permentant full-time job. Although as it has taken so long already I am thinking anytime this spring would be nice too!!! I noticed today that my grey hair ratio is increasing. And I am growing impatient.

Still in the process

2005-12-20T18:07:00.000-08:00

So I am still in the process of posting on this blog of mine on a regular basis. I still am figuring out what it is I am supposed to be writing or even want to write.

So today is a only a few days before Christmas and horrors upon horrors I have not even begun my shopping. This year is especially bad in my timing. Yes I usually don't start in November but I think I'll be pushing it this week, and I am working full time. I don't know exactly where I will be finding the time to do this. Oh, I think most of all any excuse to avoid the overabundance of seasonal commercialism is my reason for procrastination. A good reason nonetheless. The thought of going into a mall with hundreds of other people buying crap that other people certainly don't want or need is a bit of a sensory overload. For this reason, I am self-disgnosed myself, for medical reasons, unfit to visit a Wal-mart. I really do think if I must go into one again I will have a sensory overload, a commercialism crisis, and not to mention a overall sense of angst. Perhaps I will not be visiting the smiley face.....AND, OH MY GOODNESS. I just saw this commercial with a whole bunch of scenes about love, pain, joy, and it was a commercial for WAL-MART celebrating black history month. I am sorry, what the bleeepedy bleeep bleep kind of market ploy is that bleep bleep bleep. They don't care about the plight and struggles of the black community, heck they support its sorry state in this country. Urgh, bleeping wal-mart. I just saw a republican definition in "The Nation" of wal-mart: the new nation-state. If this is indeed true, God help us all.

Moral of the story, avoid wal-mart it will makes us all feel more like giving (and shopping). Can't I just give everyone a sponsored tree from the Sierra Club? I am sure no one would know if I were actually serious...it would be great!

300 Years of Iconography

2005-11-19T21:44:00.000-08:00

Today I visited The Museum of Russian Art, a new addition to the local museums of the Twin Cities. Main reason: seeing the Russian icon exhibit.

For more info: http://www.tmora.org/events/20051013a/20051013aWindowsToHeaven.html
This was a bit of a follow-up to a lecture I attended last week at the University of Minnesota entitled, "The Fate of Orthodox Art in the Early Soviet Era." Presented by Dr. Wendy Salmond an art historian from Chapman University. After a). just finishing a thesis that in part focused on the early Soviet Era, and b). recently joined the Orthodox Church and am learning more and more about (and appreciating) icons I found the lecture very interesting and the icon a good lay introduction to the Orthodox view and use of icons. As I was stolling through the museum I could not help but think back to my visits to various RU art museums in Moscow and St. Petersburg of which I dream of returning one day. I only wish I would have studied more at that time in my life about Russia to understand and appreciate the art work more fully. As I am in a parish that has recent Russian immigrants as well as other E. European traditions I am gaining an "old world" normalness of icons in daily life. Something that is so foreign to my own tradition growing up very protestant and low church. I guess what I am learning in my journey of becoming Orthodox is how to interact with icons, how to venerate, and even a deeper sense of meaning in the life and vibrancy of the church.

See, I'm in the bloggin' world now!

2005-11-19T14:39:00.000-08:00

At the request and encouragement of many fiends and fellow bloggers I have decided to take the plunge and begin my own blog. In time I hope to make it more my own, but at the meantime it shall be quite simple as I try to figure out proper blog etiquette.

Something to look forward to...